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Review: The Hunger

Vampire lovers Miriam and John Blaylock (Catherine Deneuve and David Bowie) are looking for a cure for John’s current predicament. You see, John, several hundred years old, is rapidly aging all of a sudden, yet he is unable to die. 6,000 year-old Miriam has seen this happen several times with previous lovers, whom she is able to transfer some of her vampire powers to, but not all. They've been in contact with doctor Sarah Roberts (Susan Sarandon), an expert in the subject of aging. Miriam decides to seduce the good doctor and turn her into a vampire, but hopefully with a more successful outcome this time than her previous lovers like John. Dan Hedaya and his hideous hairdo play a nosey detective, while Cliff De Young plays a concerned colleague of Sarah’s.


I’ve never been able to embrace this glossy, 80s New Wave lesbian vampire movie from former TV commercial director Tony Scott (slick entertainments like “Top Gun”, “Enemy of the State”, and “Déjà vu”) the way I’d like to. The la…

Review: Die Another Day

James Bond (Pierce Brosnan) gets busted undercover in North Korea by Col. Tan-Sun Moon (Will Yun Lee), who keeps him prisoner and tortures him. Over a year later, a political prisoner swap sees him released, albeit not something the hardened M (Dame Judi Dench) would like to have done. M, who isn’t entirely sure that Bond didn’t crack and divulge information to the North Koreans, takes him off active duty. Of course, Bond being Bond, he goes off and tries to find the traitor who leaked his identity to the North Koreans anyway. Somehow this leads him to Cuba where he meets a mysterious woman named Jinx (Halle Berry), who is no mere tourist. He also encounters the North Korean Colonel’s henchman Zao (Rick Yune), whose face is now imbedded with diamonds due to a previous encounter with Bond. A Cuban scientific lab of some kind eventually leads Bond back to England and a sneering, showboating billionaire named Gustav Graves (Toby Stephens), who owns a swanky hotel in Iceland, and is clear…

Review: Planet of the Apes

Cynical and jaded astronaut Col. Taylor (Charlton Heston) and his space shuttle crew crash land on an alien planet apparently in the year 3978, having left Earth in 1972! (Science-y stuff that went over my head was involved). They make a long trek across a desert before finally encountering first plant life, and then humans. Things turn topsy-turvy pretty quickly when our three spacemen (the lone female has died during hyper-sleep it would appear) are rounded up with several other humans by the planet’s dominant species…Talking, upright apes! In this society, apes are the planet’s rulers and humans are mute slaves.


Taylor soon finds himself in the care of behavioural scientists Dr. Zira (Kim Hunter) and her husband Dr. Cornelius (Roddy McDowall), rather benevolent chimpanzees who are taken aback when they discover that Taylor, unlike any other human they’ve ever encountered, can talk! When the two chimps discuss this development with Orangutan Minister of Science Dr Zaius (Maurice Eva…

Review: Jack Reacher: Never Go Back

Ex-Army guy Jack Reacher (Tom Cruise) hopes to meet up with the MP officer he’s been flirting with over the phone for a while. However, when he gets to Washington DC, he finds out that Maj. Susan Turner (Cobie Smulders) has been arrested for treason. Knowing this can’t be true, he uses his special set of skills to bust her out of military prison, and they attempt to figure out what on Earth is going on. Meanwhile, Reacher also finds out that he may be the father of a moody but artistically-inclined teen (Danika Yarosh), and he seeks the girl out. Aldis Hodge, Holt McCallany and Robert Knepper turns up as military men.


I don’t know how the flat and uninteresting “Jack Reacher” managed to merit a sequel, but here we are with this 2016 Lee Child novel adaptation from director Edward Zwick (“Glory”, “The Last Samurai”, “Blood Diamond”, “Love and Other Drugs”) and his co-writers Richard Wenk (The remake of “The Mechanic”, as well as “The Expendables 2” and “The Equaliser”) and Marshall Her…

Review: Disturbia

Teen Shia LaBeouf, whose recent troublesome behaviour attributed to the tragic death of his father (Matt Craven, in an early cameo), has landed him in court-ordered house arrest (ankle bracelet and all), spends most of his free time spying on his neighbours. These include the new hottie (Sarah Roemer- who, quite frankly, ain’t even that hot), and secretive David Morse, whom LaBeouf starts to suspect of committing nefarious deeds. Carrie-Ann Moss is LaBeouf’s fed-up mother, and Aaron Yoo is amusing as his excitable best friend (in the Stephen Geoffreys from “Fright Night” mould).


I actually found this uninspired but watchable 2007 D.J. Caruso (“Taking Lives”, “XXX: The Return of Xander Cage”) modernisation of Hitchcock’s “Rear Window” to be a more pleasurable experience than that supremely overrated film. I know, you’re mocking me right now, but it’s my sincere belief that it’s a slightly more entertaining film. Slightly. Comparisons are unavoidable, but I actually found that the film …

Review: 12 Rounds 2: Reloaded

Randy Orton plays an EMT whose wife gets kidnapped by a nefarious, unseen villain (Brian Markinson, visible to the audience for the most part) who forces Orton to play Simon Says…er…12 Rounds, a test of…doing whatever the hell the bad guy tells him to do in order to get his wife back. Meanwhile, Orton’s activities alert the attention of the cops, who think he’s a criminal and a menace. Why has this guy chosen Orton to be his guinea pig?


John Cena and WWE Studios made a fairly decent action film once. This 2013 film from veteran sequel director Roel Reine (“The Marine 2”, “Death Race 2”, “Hard Target 2”, “The Man With the Iron Fists 2”, “The Condemned 2”) is…a sequel to the other Cena action movie. “12 Rounds” featured Aiden Gillen as the bad guy, and while he has since done sterling work playing my favourite “Game of Thrones” character the late Lord Baelish (#DicksOutForLittlefinger), he was sorely miscast against the Inflatable Hulk, Mr. Cena in what was essentially a lame version of…

Review: Moonlight

The life of a young African-American man from childhood to adulthood growing up in seriously rough environs, told in three chapters. As a child Chiron AKA ‘Little’ (Alex Hibbert) has to deal with a drug-addicted mother (Naomie Harris) and finds a slightly more stable male parental figure in local drug dealer Juan (Mahershala Ali). Juan is an affable, strong male role model in some respects, but the fact that he’s providing the very reason for Little’s mother’s problems is difficult to reconcile for both the boy and the audience. In his teenage years, Chiron (now played by Ashton Sanders) deals with bullying and emerging sexual identity questions. Finally in the third chapter the now grownup Chiron goes by the name ‘Black’ (now played by Trevante Rhodes), wrestles with his troubled and confusing past whilst also tenuously reconnecting with figures from his teenage years and childhood.


After the tedious and overrated “Fences” I was starting to wonder if the Academy were giving nominatio…