Review: Caveman


Dopey 1981 Carl Gottlieb (screenwriter of “Jaws” and “The Jerk”) film is a pointless parody of the already cheesy caveman genre, with everyone’s least favourite Beatle (sorry Ringo, but it’s true!) in the lead. He’s an outcast looking to fit in somewhere, with hulking John Matuszak (Sloth from “The Goonies” himself) his brutal nemesis, busty Barbara Bach the object of his affections (and not just the character’s, Starr and Bach soon married after this, lucky bastard!), and a young and too modern-looking Dennis Quaid as Starr’s younger buddy. The always irritating Shelley Long turns up as a perky cavegirl with designs on Starr, and veteran comedian Jack Gilford seems to simply make up the numbers. Richard Moll makes for an hilarious Abominable Snowman, towards the end, though.

 

Nowhere near as funny (or short) as the caveman segment in Mel Brooks’ underrated “History of the World Part 1”, this stupid, one-joke film never gets off the ground. I’ve seen better episodes of “Captain Caveman”. Hey, I love that guy! The Harryhausen-on-acid stop motion by Jim Danforth and Full Moon regular David Allen (The goofy but watchable “Puppetmaster” series) are fun for a while, but even they can’t save this seriously unfunny film. The best bit involves an Asian caveman who keeps trying to teach his fellow caveman to speak perfect English, to no avail. The screenplay is by Gottlieb, and unsurprisingly, Brooks regular Rudy De Luca (“Dracula: Dead and Loving It”, “High Anxiety”). A cult item, perhaps, but I am not a member of said cult.

 

Rating: D+

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