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Showing posts from January 31, 2016

Review: Home

Oh (voiced by Jim Parsons) is a member of an alien race known as Boov (though until you see it spelled out, you’ll be hearing ‘Boob’!), who in response to a violent alien threat from a species known as Gorg, have decided to flee their home and taking over Earth. Earthlings are relocated (where else?) in Australia, whilst the Boov inhabit the cities (Never mind that Australia has plenty of metropolitan areas. Never mind that Australia probably isn’t big enough to house so many people, either. Sigh). Oh isn’t very well-liked or respected amongst his kind on account of him being incredibly annoying and cloying in pursuit of friendship (something Boov aren’t normally interested in). And prone to cocking things up. Yeah, there’s that too, and when an invite to a ‘warming of house’ party Oh is hosting gets sent out too far and wide, it alerts the Gorg to the Boov’s whereabouts. Oh is hunted down by his own people, and he decides to seek refuge in an abandoned convenience store. It’s here th…

Review: The Hollow

Three sisters (Stephanie Hunt, Sarah Dugdale, and Alisha Newton) find themselves on Shelter Island, which was plagued a century ago by a hellacious storm that wiped out the population. It appears that another storm is on the horizon, but that may not be the only destructive force tied to this place on this Halloween Eve. The storm also seems to bring with it a murderous supernatural being setting upon the townsfolk. Deborah Kara Unger plays the girls’ Aunt, who is a resident of Shelter Island.

The kind of horror film that is interesting whilst it’s keeping you guessing as to where it’s really headed. Once it starts to reveal itself, however, this 2015 SyFy movie from co-writer/director Sheldon Wilson (“Shallow Ground”, “Kaw”, and “Snowmageddon”) becomes much more formulaic and predictable. I liked some of this, but not all of it, and I’m pretty sure a whole bunch of the characters end up completely irrelevant, which is weird. The performances from the predominantly no-name cast are fa…

Review: Time Bandits

Born into a family that all but neglects him (preferring to stare idly at a dopey TV show hosted by a sleazy and young-looking Jim Broadbent), young Craig Warnock stumbles upon time-travelling dwarf bandits (Kenny ‘R2D2’ Baker among them) who whisk him away on a time-travelling, loot-collecting mission, guided by a map that they ‘borrowed’ from God, here called The Supreme Being (a well-cast Sir Ralph Richardson, as a sort of elderly curmudgeonly school principal in sadly only a single scene). The map is an indicator of all the holes in time, and they use these holes to slip in and out of different periods of time to steal other people’s shit for their own gain. Also after the map is the nefarious Evil Genius (David Warner, looking suitably horrid), who would be all-powerful if not for the fact that his sidekicks are boobs. Among the historical and mythological figures the boy and his adopted family encounter are a political/royal ‘figure head’ Robin Hood (John Cleese), heroic ancient…

Review: Oliver Twist (1997)

What? We all know the story by now don’t we? Oh, alright I’ll tell you. The title 19th century orphan (Alex Trench) has only a locket with a portrait of his dead mother to remember her by. Left on the doorstep of a workhouse run by the harsh Mrs. Corney (Maria Charles), who promptly takes the locket from Oliver’s possession. Oliver leaves the workhouse at age 12 (he’s kicked out for daring to ask for more food) when he manages to steal the locket back, along with some food for his travels. Off he goes out into the streets, where he eventually falls in with teenage thief nicknamed the Artful Dodger (Elijah Wood), who in turn introduces Oliver to his boss of-sorts, the unscrupulous, rather guarded Fagin (Richard Dreyfuss). They teach him the art of pickpocketing, but trouble arrives via the foul-tempered and ruthless Bill Sikes (David O’Hara), who isn’t above a bit of murder from time to time.

Unsurprising but effective enough 1997 Disney TV movie version of the oft-filmed Charles Dicke…

Review: She Killed in Ecstasy

The controversial medical experiments of Dr. Johnson (Fred Williams) see him barred from the medical profession. This leads the not-so-good doctor on a downward spiral that leaves his bewitching wife (Soledad Miranda) feeling vengeful. She decides to stalk, seduce, and kill all members of the medical board whom she feels wronged her husband. These doctors are played by Howard Vernon, Paul Muller, Ewa Stroemberg, and Jesus Franco himself. Horst Tappert plays a police detective investigating the murders.

Not the equal of the Sapphic Fantastic vampire flick “Vampyros Lesbos”, this 1971 Eurotrash thriller from Jesus Franco is still one of his more respected films. I just think that 23 minutes into a less than 90 minute film is far too long to wait for the action that kicks the plot into gear to take place. There’s no way anyone could sustain the height of ecstasy for that long without it getting messy. Oh shut up, you come up with a better joke, then! While “Vampyros Lesbos” had wild and …

Review: Finding Nemo

The title clownfish (voiced by Alexander Gould), is raised by his overprotective widowed father Marlin (voiced by Albert Brooks), whose wife was eaten by a shark. However, Nemo is of schooling age, and it’s time to let go. On his first day, however, Nemo swims out beyond the reef and towards some scuba divers on a dare from some of his new school chums (School? Chum? See what I did? So clever…). He is captured and winds up in the fish tank of a Sydney dentist (voiced by Aussie character actor Bill Hunter). There he befriends some other fish, including Gill (voiced by Willem Dafoe) who sees a great escape plan in his head that will involve Nemo’s help. Meanwhile, Marlin searches the sea for his lost son, with only a forgetful fish Dory (voiced by Ellen DeGeneres) for (not much) help. Barry Humphries, Bruce Spence, and Eric Bana voice a trio of sharks who have apparently sworn off eating fish. Geoffrey Rush voices Nigel the surprisingly fish-friendly pelican.

I finally caught up with th…