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Showing posts from May 8, 2016

Review: The Story of O Part II

Neither a true sequel to the first film nor is it based on author Pauline Reage’s own sequel to “The Story of O”, this one has a board of directors trying to stop being overtaken by businessman Pembroke. Someone comes up with the idea of employing the special talents of the title character (played by Sandra Wey) to embroil Pembroke in shocking scandal. Pembroke (played by the very Pembroke-sounding Manuel de Blas) and his family (including wife Rosa Valenty and daughter Carole James) move into a European estate, owned by O who will find a way to bring out each of the family’s sexual secrets to be used for later embarrassment (Blond adult son Christian Cid, for instance, seems to like both oysters and snails if you catch Laurence Olivier-in-Sir Anthony Hopkins’ voice’s drift).

I didn’t really find the first film appealing, as for me it’s hard to enjoy a sexy movie where several of the participants don’t look to be enjoying themselves much. It’s just not my kind of thing. This 1984 sequ…

Review: Three Men and a Baby

Architect Tom Selleck, low-rent actor Ted Danson, and cartoonist/puppeteer Steve Guttenberg are three bachelors who live together in an apartment. Danson goes off to Turkey to shoot a TV movie, and one day a baby is delivered at their doorstep. Because Danson was expecting a package to be delivered, Selleck and Guttenberg assume the baby is the package. Danson is definitely the father, but the mother is nowhere to be seen. Completely clueless about what to do with a baby, but nonetheless given little choice, Selleck and Guttenberg are forced to look after the baby. Light comedy ensues, until it turns out that the baby wasn’t really the ‘package’. The package was actually drugs, which Guttenberg unwittingly signed for and completely forgot about. Goons (led by Paul Guilfoyle) turn up to pick up the ‘package’, and this alerts the attention of nosy cop Philip Bosco, who has been tailing the crooks. Eventually Danson returns early from the movie shoot and appears surprised about the conte…

Review: Jail Bait

A ne’er do well crook named Don Gregor (Clancy Malone) and his more amoral crook buddy Vic Brady (Timothy Farrell) who have just pulled off one successful heist and now Brady wants to rob a theatre too. Things go awry, Don freaks out and wants to turn himself in, which doesn’t go over well with the hardened Vic. Herbert Rawlinson (who died the night after filming was complete) plays Don’s plastic surgeon father, who urges his son to turn himself in, whilst Dolores Fuller plays Don’s squeeze, Lyle Talbot and Steve Reeves play cops.

Probably one of the least technically inept Edward D. Wood Jr. (“Plan 9 From Outer Space”, “Glen or Glenda?”) films you’ll come across, this bland, subpar 1954 crime flick is also one of the more tedious. It’s still a bad film, but you won’t get much ‘so bad it’s funny’ value out of this one, I’d wager. As such, my review will follow suit, and will be a more traditional, less snarky offering. Hey, don’t leave! I promise it’s still a really good review! Awww,…

Review: Bottle Rocket

Luke Wilson and Owen Wilson play Texas buddies Anthony and Dignan. Anthony is the more quiet of the two, and has just been released from a sanitarium after a nervous breakdown. Dignan, the more talkative of the two is an eternal optimist, but high-strung and controlling. Dignan has come up with ‘a seventy-five year plan for happiness’ which somehow involves a serious of get-rich-quick crimes. As wannabe-robbers, though, they also need a getaway driver, so mutual acquaintance Bob (Robert Musgrave) is also brought in on the whole thing. He’s the only guy they know with a set of wheels. After (surprisingly, given their intelligence levels) successfully robbing a bookstore, the trio decide to hide out in a crappy motel out in the middle of nowhere, where Anthony becomes smitten with a Paraguayan maid named Inez (Lumi Cavazos) who barely understands a word or two of English. It’s here that Anthony starts to wonder if it’s worth it to continue with Dignan’s plan, much to the latter’s annoya…

Review: Swelter

A bunch of “Reservoir Dogs” wannabe suited robbers with Rat Pack masks that somehow all look like the same guy (and no one in the Rat Pack) have just gotten out of prison for a Vegas heist gone wrong. Headed by Grant Bowler, the gang (which includes Jean-Claude Van Damme, Daniele Favilli, and Josh Henderson) now make their way to a sleepy small town called Baker for reasons gradually revealed. Baker is overseen by Sheriff Bishop (Lennie James), who likes to run a very tight ship. That is to say, he doesn’t allow anyone to have any fun ever, especially his teenage (step?) daughter (Aussie actress Freya Tingley), who pretty much hates his guts. The robbers seem to recognise Sheriff Bishop, but not vice versa. Just what is their connection, why doesn’t the sheriff remember, and just what in the hell are their intentions? Catalina Sandino Moreno plays Sheriff Bishop’s squeeze, whilst Alfred Molina plays the town doctor, Arie Verveen plays the town preacher, and Tracey Walter is an elderly…

Review: Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

Robin of Locksley (Kevin Costner) escapes imprisonment and torture along with his Moor companion Azeem (Morgan Freeman). He heads home to England only to discover that his father Lord Locksley (Brian Blessed) has been killed and his family’s castle completely destroyed. Whilst Robin had been away on the Crusades with King Richard the Lionheart (who turns up at the end to be played by an unnamed Scotsman), the evil Sheriff of Nottingham has taken over as the tyrannical ruler. Robin eventually hooks up with the Merry Men of Sherwood forest, including the pig-headed but well-meaning Little John (Nick Brimble), and sour young Will Scarlett (Christian Slater), the latter of whom seems to harbour a personal grudge against Robin. Robin also tracks down his former love, Maid Marian (Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio), whom the scheming Sheriff has his own designs on. Needless to say, Robin and The Sheriff are headed for a showdown, though with The Sheriff backed by a one-eyed witch (Geraldine McEwa…

Review: The King of Marvin Gardens

The story of two estranged brothers, one a straight-laced radio host (Jack Nicholson), the other we first meet getting out of jail (Bruce Dern). The latter is a con man and wannabe real estate tycoon, but he swears this time he’s got a sure thing going on a deal in Hawaii. He better make good, because he’s flanked by Ellen Burstyn and the younger Julia Ann Robinson, in some sorta maybe threesome-maybe family type deal that is never made terribly clear. What is clear, though, is that the girls are banking on Dern making all of them filthy rich, whilst Nicholson is forced to go into bat for his brother when the fit hits the shan, up against some rather dangerous-types. John P. Ryan and Scatman Crothers play important parts of Dern’s scheme, the latter a gangster.

Well-received at the time, this 1972 Bob Rafelson (“Five Easy Pieces”, “The Postman Always Rings Twice”) flick hasn’t aged well at all, and now seems much ado about nothing. It contains an excellent, subdued turn by Jack Nichol…