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Showing posts from May 21, 2017

Review: Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment

Capt. Pete Lassard (Howard Hesseman) is finding it hard to control crime in his precinct and calls for fresh cadets from his brother Cmdt. Lassard (George Gaynes). So the likes of Tackleberry (David Graf), Mahoney (Steve Guttenberg), Jones (Michael Winslow), Hightower (Bubba Smith), Hooks (Marion Ramsey), and Fackler (Bruce Mahler) come along to help out. Mahoney is assigned a slob (Peter Van Norden- who looks a lot slimmer today) with a gigantic dog, Jones has fun with a humourless veteran (Sandy Ward), whilst Tackleberry actually falls for his gun-loving partner (Colleen Camp). Meanwhile, Capt. Lassard’s scheming Lt. Mauser and perennial kiss-arse Proctor (Lance Kinsey) are looking to see things fail, so Mauser can take over. Bob (Bobcat) Goldthwait plays Zed, leader of a band of animalistic punks wreaking havoc on the streets, particularly menacing mild-mannered shop owner Mr. Sweetchuck (Tim Kazurinsky). George R. Robertson, as always plays the exasperated Chief (soon to be Commis…

Review: Shaft

Police detective John Shaft (Samuel L. Jackson) investigates the case of a spoiled, racist rich white a-hole named Walter Wade Jr. (Christian Bale) who kills a black student (Mekhi Phifer) after Wade is publicly embarrassed by the man. Everyone knows the smug prick is guilty as hell but the connections afforded by his rich father (Phillip Bosco) and the fact that Shaft clocked the young punk, see Walter Jr. given bail which he then proceeds to skip and goes overseas. A waitress at the fancy restaurant the incident occurred at (Toni Collette) also goes into hiding, fearful of the sociopathic rich kid. That certainly didn’t help the case, either. When Walter Jr. returns to NY he hooks up with local chest-puffing Latino drug lord Peoples Hernandez (Jeffrey Wright), whom he hires to kill the waitress before Shaft can find her and convince her to testify. Peoples doesn’t much like Shaft either, after having been publicly shown up by the bad arse cop. Along with his streetwise associate Ras…

Review: Just a Kiss

The relationship and fidelity issues of a group of thirtysomething (?) friends. Ron Eldard is Dag (pronounced ‘Dahg’, not Dag or Dog), who can’t seem to keep his John Thomas out of women’s genitals. This will cause problems not just for he and his girlfriend (Kyra Sedgwick), but also best friend Pete (Patrick Breen), whose dancer girlfriend (Marley Shelton) randomly blurts out about having an affair with Dag. Now everyone fucking hates Dag, and a jilted Pete has a mid-air fling with Colleen (Sarita Choudhury), who turns out to be the girlfriend of Andre (Taye Diggs). Andre is a bit of a pants man himself, having been the occasional lover of Shelton, and now trying to get into Sedgwick’s pants when she turns up at Shelton’s apartment after her separation from TV commercial director Dag. Got all that? Well add a bunny-boiler with a kinky sex fetish who has a crazy stalker crush on Pete, who once played a wacky character in an ad on TV. Zoe Caldwell plays Shelton’s mother, Peter Dinklage…

Review: A Nightmare on Elm Street

After a friend of theirs seems to slash his own throat in a diner, several teens (Kyle Gallner, Katie Cassidy, Kellan Lutz, and Thomas Dekker among them) realise they are all having the same nightmares- of a sinister figure with steel blades for fingers. And when this evil being kills them in their dreams, they die for real. So it’s stay awake or die, for Nancy (Rooney Mara) and her friends, as their parents (Connie Britton and Clancy Brown being the most prominent) reluctantly offer up the revelation that their phantom killer is a man named Freddy Krueger (Jackie Earle Haley), a former pre-school janitor who preyed on each of them when they were younger (despite none of the teens remembering that they actually went to pre-school together). Their parents confronted and put a stop to Freddy. Or so they thought. One, two, Freddy’s comin’ for you!

The “Elm Street” series of horror flicks were among the most imaginative of the 80s horror cycle (though entries spilled over into the 90s too…

Review: The Jungle Book

The story of a young boy named Mowgli (Neel Sethi) who is raised in the jungle adopted by wolves, protected by the panther Bagheera (voiced by Sir Ben Kingsley) who hopes to take the boy back to humankind. Circumstances see the boy temporarily falling into company with lazy, good-natured, but cunning bear Baloo (voiced by Bill Murray). Meanwhile, there is the fearsome tiger Shere Khan (voiced by Idris Elba) who holds the entire animal kingdom in fear, and wants to kill the boy.

I really like Disney’s 1967 animated version of the Rudyard Kipling classic, but it’s definitely a second-tier Disney animated ‘classic’ (“Alice in Wonderland”, “One Hundred and One Dalmatians”, “Cinderella”), rather than one of my favourites (“Pinocchio”, “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs”, “Robin Hood”, “Peter Pan”). This 2016 flick from director Jon Favreau (the terrible “Iron Man” flicks, the OK “Elf”) and screenwriter Justin Marks (atoning for the infamously bad “Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li”) is m…

Review: Criminal

Beginning in London, American CIA agent Ryan Reynolds is attempting to acquire a computer program from Eurotrash hacker Michael Pitt that has the capacity to commandeer US nuclear codes. Reynolds is chased, caught, tortured and killed by all-round bad guy Jordi Molla, who wants the technology for himself to do all-round bad guy things with it. He’s also pissed that Pitt has apparently found a conscience and met with the CIA. Tactless London-based CIA bigwig Gary Oldman enlists the aid of neuroscientist Tommy Lee Jones (!) to use his experimental program of basically taking the memories of one patient (that would be Reynolds) and implanting them in the brain of another. Enter hardened psycho criminal Kevin Costner (admirably taking the material very seriously), a barely consenting guinea pig currently on death row who just so happens to have the right existing brain condition to make for a suitable candidate. After the operation is completed, Costner finds himself a confusing mess (and…

Review: Rachel Getting Married

Recovering addict Kym (Anne Hathaway) is temporarily allowed out of rehab to attend the wedding of her sister Rachel (Rosemarie DeWitt). With Kym already anxious being out of rehab and trying to stay clean, and Rachel naturally anxious about her upcoming nuptials, it’s going to be a tense arrival home for Kym, though loving father Paul (Bill Irwin) tries to keep everything calm. Tries, being the operative word there as family tragedy is regurgitated, and Kym’s naturally cynical and frankly catty demeanour tends to piss everyone off, eventually even her sister who finds she has a whole lotta buried resentment towards Kym. Rachel just wants one moment to be about her for a change, and not drama queen Kym. And then their estranged mother (Debra Winger) turns up, and that brings its own shitstorm. Anna Deavere Smith plays Paul’s current wife, whilst Roger Corman has a fleeting cameo.

Scripted by Sidney Lumet’s daughter Jenny (her debut), I can see why a lot of people might like this 2008 …