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Review: The Black Phone

Set in the late 70s where children are being snatched by a masked killer nicknamed The Grabber (Ethan Hawke). Mason Thames and his sister Madeleine McGraw’s lives are affected by The Grabber. The former ending up being snatched by him, the latter having psychic visions via a dream about one of the kidnappings. Jeremy Davies plays their unstable father.   I don’t know how faithful this 2022 film is to the short story by Joe Hill, but if it is indeed representative, one suggests Mr. Hill needs to find influences beyond his father Stephen King in future. Directed by Scott Derrickson ( “Hellraiser Inferno” , “Deliver Us From Evil” , “Sinister” ) and adapted by Derrickson and C. Robert Cargill ( “Sinister” , “Doctor Strange” ), the film initially looked quite promising to me and the reviews have certainly been good. The cinematography by Brett Jutkiewicz ( “Ready or Not” ) is stunning from the outset, and early on the story intrigued me. Unfortunately, it doesn’t take long before I felt
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Review: Tormented

Richard Carlson is a jazz pianist named Tom, whose wandering eye is about to bite him in the butt. About to marry the lovely Meg (Lugene Sanders), his mistress Vi (Juli Reding) threatens to expose their affair when Tom wants to break it off. A lighthouse accident and refusal of rescue later, and Tom finds himself tormented by the ghostly presence of Vi. Joe Turkel plays the ferryman who brings Vi to Tom at the outset, and subsequently blackmails him. Susan Gordon plays Meg’s young sister Sandy, who might just know more about what has been going on than anyone else realises.   The films of director/producer Bert I. Gordon are somewhat infamous but generally not very well-regarded C-and-D-grade cheapies generally in the monster movie/creature feature realm ( “The Amazing Colossal Man” , “Empire of the Ants” , “Food of the Gods” etc.) According to my IMDb stats, this 1960 film is my first excursion into the world of Mr. Gordon. Despite not having the best reputation amongst the few w
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Review: A Place Called Today

J. Herbert Kerr Jr. plays an ambitious young African-American politician who uses underhanded means in his attempt to run for mayor by having a hand in orchestrating civil unrest that he will then promise to end. Cheri Caffaro plays the sex-obsessed daughter of a rich white businessman (who is Kerr’s corrupt mayoral opponent), whilst Lana Wood turns up as a lefty activist. Porn star Harry Reems (of “Deep Throat” infamy) has a bit role fully clothed as a construction worker, sans moustache.   Probably well-meaning, but lifeless 1972 social melodrama from writer-director Don Schain (the softcore classic “Ginger” ) is barely even a movie at all. 100 minutes of subpar speeches and preaching, it’s a prime example that just because you have something to say, it doesn’t mean you’re the best people equipped to be delivering the message. Naïve, preachy, simplistic, stupid and all talk. It’s a lecture. Even when Lana Wood and her man are naked, they spend more time talking than fornicating.
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Review: Roar

Hank (Noel Marshall) loves wild animals so much that he’s moved away from his family to live in Africa in a home inhabited by dozens and dozens of lions, tigers, leopards, cheetahs etc. With plenty of other wild animals just outside as well. When his family (played by Marshall’s real-life sons, as well as his then-wife Tippi Hedren and her daughter Melanie Griffith) come for a visit from America, let’s just say that the animals aren’t quite welcoming to the interlopers. And they don’t seem to much like Hank either. Kyalo Mativo plays a native friend of Hank’s who seems to be the only character in the film with enough smarts to be wary of the beasts before they even attack.   1981 unofficial family vacation footage from director/producer/star/co-writer/idiot/arsehole Noel Marshall is now largely forgotten. Even those who do know about it only do so for the non-fictional story of its making, not for it’s fictional movie plot. For something that doesn’t seem to have had a lot of mains
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Review: Champagne

A film about a spoiled heiress (Betty Balfour) her quarrelling boyfriend (Jean Bradin), her disapproving magnate father (Gordon Harker), and a mystery man (Ferdinand von Alten).   I’ve heard more than one film being cited as the film Alfred Hitchcock (whose best films to me include “Strangers on a Train” , “Vertigo” , and “The 39 Steps” ) felt was his worst, but this 1928 silent film seems to get a mention more often than any other. Having seen the film, that actually really surprises me. I liked it. Of his 52 available non-propaganda films, I’ve got it in at #23 in between “Blackmail” and “The Pleasure Garden” . #23 may not seem so high, but it’s an indication of just how many good/great films he made, as well as how many films overall that he made. It’s pretty good.   Things pick up right away with a great early shot into a champagne glass with a dance hall girl seen through it. Vintage Hitchcock moment for sure as is a funny bit of swaying camera movement to suggest seasic
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Review: The Night Riders

The Three Mesquiteers (John Wayne, Ray Corrigan, Max Terhune) get thrown off their land by gambler and fake Spanish nobleman Don Luis de Serrano (George Douglas) using a trumped-up land grant and evicting anyone who can’t pay the ridiculous tax. Our heroes mask up and get to doing something about it.   Around the same time he made “Stagecoach” , John Wayne starred in what were essentially several western serials all under the banner of “The Three Mesquiteers” . This 1939 film from director George Sherman (who later directed Duke in the underrated “Big Jake” in 1971) was Wayne’s fifth of these films (several were also made without him) and is a perfectly harmless, perfectly forgettable affair. Primitive, basic stuff it doesn’t even run an hour long. It actually seems more befitting the silent era. However, for Wayne completists and film buffs like me there’s still merit here if you can manage to track it down. My enjoyment was more from a cinematic history perspective, and even the
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Review: Hellraiser (2022)

Recovering junkie Odessa A’zion accompanies scuzzy boyfriend Drew Starkey on a break-in where all they find is a weird puzzle box. A’zion later opens the box and after some weird shit happens, A’zion and Starkey figure it might be a good idea to learn more about this messed up trinket. Goran Visnjic plays a millionaire who possessed the box before our protagonist nicked it.   Is there any point in remaking/rebooting “Hellraiser” when the 1987 adaptation of Clive Barker’s original text was written and directed by Barker himself? And is considered a horror classic? On evidence here, absolutely not. Directed by David Bruckner ( “The Signal” ) and scripted by Ben Collins ( “The Night House” ) and Luke Piotrowski (ditto) this is an entirely tedious affair. I took a long time to get on board with the 1987 “Hellraiser” , I have to admit. It was wildly imaginative and original, like a nightmare transplanted on to film. However, the characters were stone cold and left me similarly chilly t
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